I still consider Brian and I to be newlyweds. We have been married for 22 months and decided to start the process to become foster parents right after we celebrated our first anniversary. We'd always planned to have "us time" for several years after we got married, but we simply could not ignore the need for foster parents, so life plans changed as they often do :)
When you foster, you don't have that 9 months to think about the child you created together, prepare for his or her arrival, and then experience that intense love you feel when you see your child for the first time. A little one is literally dropped off at your front door, and you must immediately begin the frantic dance that is caring for a foster child.
Through this experience, I've learned to let go of control. At first, I was doing everything for baby K. Brian did not have as much experience with babies and I figured "I'd rather just do this myself than explain how to do it." I realize now I was hurting Brian by not trusting him fully to take care of our girl. He was there - eager to feed her and play with her - and I just did everything without even acknowledging him. As you can imagine, I crashed and burned real fast. My husband was there to put out the fire and do whatever was needed to get baby girl to a good place, despite my poor attitude. We're now a team, both taking care of our girl together.
Because there's so much more to think about now that there's a baby involved, our communication has improved greatly. We rely on each other for things that benefit our girl or our marriage. Because time is shorter with a baby, we don't waste time by hinting what we need - we just ask :)
There is nothing better than seeing my husband care for a broken child. Our baby did not come from a great environment - there were drugs and violence all around her. She sometimes still gets nervous if her routine changes or if she has extra visits with her parents. Brian is so patient. He will rock baby K while she cries, turn on music and dance while she giggles, and does whatever he can to show her love. Watching them interact fills my heart with more joy than I know what to do with!
Doing this hard job of foster parenting together gives us more opportunity to praise each other. Whenever Brian tells me that I'm an amazing mommy, I almost cry! Those words are so powerful - and I make sure to tell him what a loving and perfect daddy he is too. We're both learning so much about fostering, babies, and each other that there's always opportunity for encouragement and praise.
Brian and I appreciate our time alone so much more now. We realize we have to make more effort for "us" time - and we do. Before, every day was date day...we really didn't go out to eat or do date-like things very often because we hung out every day just the two of us. We still hang out of course, but our conversations are now interrupted by the babble of an 8 month-old and questions like "What's she eating?!?!" Brian and I make a conscious effort to go out every time we have a day or evening without the baby.
Brian and I are navigating the scary waters of foster parenting together. We are caring for a precious gift that is baby girl together. We experience her laughs and firsts, together, squealing in excitement :) Brian and I experience the hurts and setbacks together as well, leaning on each other for support.
Loving baby K as our own is an incredible and life-changing journey, and I'm so blessed to be sharing it with my husband and best friend. I definitely think this experience has changed my marriage...for the better!
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