As most of you know, the first few weeks with baby K were rough. We've now settled in, but there were things that were (or would have been) immensely helpful as we adjusted. If you have foster parent friends, here are some ideas to support them!
1. If the family is placed with a baby of any age, treat them as if they have a newborn. Baby K was 6 months old when she came to live with us but I felt like I was given a (very overweight) newborn. She woke up every hour at night and during the day, she wouldn't play or do anything on her own. She needed to be in my arms at all times and even then she was often inconsolable. I was definitely a "new mom zombie" (haha) and needed more help than usual.
2. Make meals. This kinda goes along with treating the family like they have a newborn, but I think that this would be helpful for placements of any age. A very chaotic period of adjustment follows most placements, and not having to worry about what to cook for dinner (while a wild 3 year-old wreaks havoc ha) is a huge help!
3. Remember the honeymoon period. Often times, there is what's called the "honeymoon" period that lasts around 3 weeks. In the beginning, things are great! A month in, there is sometimes a lot of testing the rules and defiance, which is totally understandable considering what our kids have been through. Check on your foster parent friends around this time :) They might need an ear to listen or an offer of a playdate!
4. Offer to help with transportation. For kids in care, there is a seemingly endless parade of health screens, dentist appointments, counseling appointments, and more. Sometimes these appointments are not very convenient because not all offices take the DSHS insurance. If you have the time, transporting a child to counseling every week (or even once a month!) can be immensely helpful.
5. If the foster mom or dad is a stay-at-home parent, ask if you can stop by periodically. I loved that I got to spend all day at home with the baby when we first got her, but oh man, I craved adult interaction haha. Also, having a friend who can watch the little one while I switch laundry loads or unload the dishwasher can be a lifesaver. Being able to clean my house and straighten my hair are things that make me feel like a human being - not a walking bottle dispenser and cuddle-giver haha.
6. Bring them coffee for a coffeehouse chat at home. This is an extension to number 5 :) First, any mom or dad knows that caffeine is rulllll necessary for parenthood. Second, I love meeting people for a drink to catch up, which is often not feasible when you're first placed with a foster kiddo - it can be hard to take them out at first because you're unsure of how they'll react. Bring the coffeehouse to them! :) Better yet, bring wine! Teehee...
7. Simply ask "What do you need?" Because most of us are licensed for several age groups, there is a LOT of stuff we need to gather. As much as we try to have everything ready, inevitably there are things we forget! The first night we had baby K, I realized I had no pacifiers (found out later she hates them anyway, ha) so my mom brought some over. A friend of my mother-in-law is also letting us borrow a swing which is a lifesaver!
8. Support us, pray for us, and lift us up. I have awesome friends and family that do this daily, and my husband has been my rock through this experience. I'd go crazy if I didn't have people to lean on!
9. Offer to babysit! Okay, I know chaos is not everyone's "thing" and foster families can, at times, be quite chaotic haha. So this might not be for everyone :) Most agencies require a background check if you want to babysit on a regular basis, so ask your foster parent friends for a form. If you want to watch foster kids for families who are going out of town, you can go a step farther and...
10. Become a respite provider. You generally need to go through the foster parent licensing process in order to to this. Respite means that you take foster kids for set periods of time. For example, Brian and I are going to Cancun later this year, and can only leave our girl overnight with a licensed respite provider. This is a way to be a huge help without the commitment of full-on foster care; you'll know when the kids are coming and when they're going back to their foster families.
Okay, so this was a long one, but worth it I hope! Huge shout out to our support network and to all of those out there who are helping care for Washington's foster kids!
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